Friday, February 8, 2008

Idiot of the Week 2

This week findind my idiot was not hard. I didn't have to look for him, he came right to me. Once again, my source comes from work.
It started like any other call. I was returning a voice mail from a merchant who had some questions concerning a request for a credit card receipt he had recieved. He was on his next to last day to respond, had been out of town for awhile, and was trying to get more information on the request.
Again, like any other call, I explained to the merchant that we do not have access to the cardholder's name or personal data as we do not actually work for the cardholder or their bank. I was, however, able to give more transaction information and payment information. So I sat there, for the next 15-20 minutes, as the man goes looking for the transaction. Now, at this point it is important to note, the man has told me that he is at his home, not his office, and as such does not have all his documents with him. But he's looking anyway. Okay, did you commit that to memory? Let me highlight that in bold. He was not at his office and did not have all his information. Okay, moving on.
Anyway, at the end of this little scavanger hunt, he tells me he just has no information on this transaction and that we, as his advocates, need to go back to the cardholder's bank and get the cardholder's name because, "let me tell you, sometimes there are idiots on that side that don't know what they are doing." I explain to him that we can not do that. Well, we can, physically, call the bank and ask. And the bank, can and will, physically tell us to sit on it and rotate. I also informed him that the information that the bank sent us matches what we show coming from his terminal. And this is where apparently I went wrong.

Suddenly, from kind, quiet, understanding old man, to howler monkey. He starts screeming at me about how dare I be so arrogant. At this point I'm quite confused. When had I been arrogant? How dare I be so arrogant to say that I absolutely could not be wrong. I'm sorry sir, I did not actually say that. Well, yes I did, I said that I absolutely could not be wrong. At this point, he finds it necessary to inform me that he is 62 years old and that while usually in a situation like this he is wrong 99% of the time, that still leaves 1% of the time that he is right and how dare I be so arrogant as to say that that chance didn't exist.
Then he goes on to talk about how he almost had left our company (by now I was wishing he HAD) due to technical problems, and that he finally had to call the VP of operations (who I would like to point out is a VP in nothing more than paper... to SOUND important) who thanked him so much for helping find this problem that she sent him one of our companies logo'ed duffle bags. And if I'm ever in Virginia I have to swing by and see his duffle bag. And he was so damned proud of his duffle bag... that anyone could buy for less than $30.
Well, for 15 minutes I listen to this guy talk about his duffle bag, and how arrogant I am. This whole time he is screaming like Bullet Ant on the war path, and I was speaking in a very calm, collected tone. Finally, after explaining that I couldn't email the proof of what we show due to security reasons but I could fax, he gives me a fax number. Then he tells me that he wants me to call him back the next day, and WHEN he is right he wants me to apologize to him for my arrogance. Do remember that all this time he is not at his office and doesn't have all his information.
Oh, but it gets better. Remember that fax number he gave? I read it back and confirmed it. It doesn't work. Screw it, I don't want to deal with this guy any more, so I give it to a manager to call back. And she does. And the number I have, and the number he gave her... off by one number. An 8 and a 6. And as soon as he hears this, he explodes on her about this just shows how arrogant we are and proves that we can make mistakes, and that she should be on her knees thanking him profusely when her next paycheck came in, because if it weren't for merchants like him, she wouldn't have a job.

However, there is just a little bit more. The next day, I get a call in from this nice, soft spoken old fellow who is calling in to get some things figured out and to explain the situation. And then I get to look at his account. It's the same guy. He conspicuously spends the next ten minutes talking to me and not mentioning the day before at all, trying to act like he had never called in at all. I was repressing laughing so hard. I really wanted to ask him for an apology, but figured that would just show how "arrogant" I was and just escalate things again. So I handled the phone call correctly. And what did the issue turn out to be? One of his employees had put information in incorrectly back in June, and then re-ran everything that didn't go through at the end of the year.
All this came clear... once he got to his office, and had all his information.

So, for this week, Steve of Virginia. You sir, are an idiot.

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